68 DECEMBER 2024 | INTHEVUE.COM between the two of us. It wasn’t an addiction that was admitted until last December. This year because of God’s mercy, love, and grace, it no longer exists. In 2009 I married the most outgoing guy I had ever met. His laugh was contagious, his jokes were hilarious, and his extroverted personality was a magnet for me as an introvert. Isn’t that how it usually goes? He loved beating me in Bible Trivia and was proud to proclaim that his grandfather was a Baptist preacher, which also meant that as he grew up he was at church any time the doors were open. Additionally he loved good conversation, friends, and a cold beverage. I, on the other hand, loved the friendships, most of the time the conversations, but never the cold beverages. It wasn’t until the past few years that the casual drink became the everyday drink. And the everyday drink became multiple drinks. There was no such thing as just one drink anymore. What was to blame? COVID-19? Stress? I’m not sure. The problems became evident despite what was to blame. From the moment Chance proclaimed “I love you” in 2006, I had never doubted his love for me. He was always up with our babies ahead of me and changing diapers without a single complaint. He was never hesitant to go out of his way to make the impossible possible with home projects. He has taken our children to school every morning over the past few years. He makes it to every ballgame, and is the most supportive dance dad to our daughter. He’s always put our family first, and it’s always been evident in his actions and words. As you can imagine, my love for him has always been unconditional. I’ve rarely felt my needs and feelings were ever second to his own. However, in 2023, I felt as if our children and I became second to alcohol. Help with our three kids was replaced regularly with relaxing into a deep slumber in the recliner. The once date night dinners for quality time became dinners that ended in arguments over numbers of drinks. My joy was replaced with insecurity, doubt, and frustration over our marriage. I was lonely, I was hurting, and most of all I was angry that he just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t understand addiction. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just stop and I didn’t know how we were going to continue. We both knew ending wasn’t an option, and despite all of his effort, every plan to stop failed. We married each other for better and for worse. We were living in the worst. Every morning after Chance left to take our children to school, I used the quiet in the house to still my hurting heart. I read and studied, and I desperately prayed. Most mornings the LAST NOVEMBER AS I WROTE FOR the December issue of VUE Magazine, I stepped out in faith and leaned into my trust in the Lord as I wrote about how He always moves in my heart and stirs my faith during the Christmas season. Not knowing how, or even if, He would move in my heart over those next two months, I wrote about how my faith had been stirred over Christmas seasons in the past and reflected on how the season brings eternal joy into my life. Looking back, I couldn’t have planned a more perfect renewal than the one headed in the direction of my family last Christmas season. Nineteen years ago, Chance Clanahan became an employee at my dad’s business. Shortly after, I was smitten by his smile, his laughter, and charisma. A year (and a few months of flirting) later, our joint effort of persuading my parents to allow us to date was successful and we started dating in December 2006. This year we celebrated 15 years of marriage but in December of 2023, we celebrated renewal. Despite the abounding love in our marriage, sometime over the past 15 years, addiction found a way B y K a c e y C l a n a h a n BeekeepersHill Wife The Alcoholic’s Photos by Carrie Cunningham
